I am re-reading a book and this time underlining what I want to try and remember…….I just underlined this yesterday sitting on an airplane on our way home from Florida. “I could not keep myself safe from pain or danger.” I read and reread this line many times because it says what I’ve tried to hide, avoid and ignore and no longer can. Just thinking about about my parents’ fatal car accident or the decision and follow-thru to put our two beloved dogs “down” bring tears, heartache and yes - grief………a condition of sadness that will not go away. I love what Jill wrote below…….it is complicated! And not because it never goes away, but because this side of Heaven we’ve lost something we will never ever be able to replace……..a relationship, a beloved person, pet or even thing like a “home”. A true gift that can never be replaced. All we’ve got left are memories and those memories bring tears of loss………..our hearts and minds remember……..and there is absolutely NOTHING we can do keep ourselves safe from the pain or danger of what happens on this earth, in this world. and in our hearts, minds and bodies. Life is hard! and if it hasn’t gotten hard yet, there is nothing you can do to keep yourself safe from pain and danger that one day will come if you have truly loved. YET! There is HOPE! The PROMISE of “no more tears”. Jesus!
Oh how I look forward to the day when I get to sit at a coffee shop with you and brainstorm new and better words for "grief" or chat about other hard and beautiful things!!! I will wait patiently for that day and in the meantime, share a few of my thoughts here....
1. I've always struggled (protested) any sort of timeline on grieving. It makes me angry. I see grief as part of love and no one expects that to have a timeline.
2. My dear friend died last Saturday. She had stage 4 cancer but her passing came SO FAST! Our kids just got married at the end of December and she was the most beautiful mother of the bride just 4 months ago. Her daughter is staying with me for the summer and I know when she goes to sleep and when she wakes up because I can HEAR her grieving through the walls of my guest room. I can FEEL the love she has for her mom through the sounds she makes. All the senses are heightened. It is intense and raw and painful. I know that specific raw part of grieving will become less intense but I know we will always grieve her because we loved her so much. It is so bittersweet.
3. I have moved into using a made-up word to describe grieving. JORROW - joy in sorrow
These two are not mutually exclusive of one another. In fact, I think they reveal greater depths in one another when they are held together. I think that is the only way I could call grief "complicated" - like your neighborhood grief center. It is complicated not because it lasts a long time but because you only grieve when the thing/person you lost was such a gift. I think that will always be complicated. Pity the person that has nothing to grieve.
I am re-reading a book and this time underlining what I want to try and remember…….I just underlined this yesterday sitting on an airplane on our way home from Florida. “I could not keep myself safe from pain or danger.” I read and reread this line many times because it says what I’ve tried to hide, avoid and ignore and no longer can. Just thinking about about my parents’ fatal car accident or the decision and follow-thru to put our two beloved dogs “down” bring tears, heartache and yes - grief………a condition of sadness that will not go away. I love what Jill wrote below…….it is complicated! And not because it never goes away, but because this side of Heaven we’ve lost something we will never ever be able to replace……..a relationship, a beloved person, pet or even thing like a “home”. A true gift that can never be replaced. All we’ve got left are memories and those memories bring tears of loss………..our hearts and minds remember……..and there is absolutely NOTHING we can do keep ourselves safe from the pain or danger of what happens on this earth, in this world. and in our hearts, minds and bodies. Life is hard! and if it hasn’t gotten hard yet, there is nothing you can do to keep yourself safe from pain and danger that one day will come if you have truly loved. YET! There is HOPE! The PROMISE of “no more tears”. Jesus!
Oh how I look forward to the day when I get to sit at a coffee shop with you and brainstorm new and better words for "grief" or chat about other hard and beautiful things!!! I will wait patiently for that day and in the meantime, share a few of my thoughts here....
1. I've always struggled (protested) any sort of timeline on grieving. It makes me angry. I see grief as part of love and no one expects that to have a timeline.
2. My dear friend died last Saturday. She had stage 4 cancer but her passing came SO FAST! Our kids just got married at the end of December and she was the most beautiful mother of the bride just 4 months ago. Her daughter is staying with me for the summer and I know when she goes to sleep and when she wakes up because I can HEAR her grieving through the walls of my guest room. I can FEEL the love she has for her mom through the sounds she makes. All the senses are heightened. It is intense and raw and painful. I know that specific raw part of grieving will become less intense but I know we will always grieve her because we loved her so much. It is so bittersweet.
3. I have moved into using a made-up word to describe grieving. JORROW - joy in sorrow
These two are not mutually exclusive of one another. In fact, I think they reveal greater depths in one another when they are held together. I think that is the only way I could call grief "complicated" - like your neighborhood grief center. It is complicated not because it lasts a long time but because you only grieve when the thing/person you lost was such a gift. I think that will always be complicated. Pity the person that has nothing to grieve.