I am re-reading a book and this time underlining what I want to try and remember…….I just underlined this yesterday sitting on an airplane on our way home from Florida. “I could not keep myself safe from pain or danger.” I read and reread this line many times because it says what I’ve tried to hide, avoid and ignore and no longer can. Just thinking about about my parents’ fatal car accident or the decision and follow-thru to put our two beloved dogs “down” bring tears, heartache and yes - grief………a condition of sadness that will not go away. I love what Jill wrote below…….it is complicated! And not because it never goes away, but because this side of Heaven we’ve lost something we will never ever be able to replace……..a relationship, a beloved person, pet or even thing like a “home”. A true gift that can never be replaced. All we’ve got left are memories and those memories bring tears of loss………..our hearts and minds remember……..and there is absolutely NOTHING we can do keep ourselves safe from the pain or danger of what happens on this earth, in this world. and in our hearts, minds and bodies. Life is hard! and if it hasn’t gotten hard yet, there is nothing you can do to keep yourself safe from pain and danger that one day will come if you have truly loved. YET! There is HOPE! The PROMISE of “no more tears”. Jesus!
Sherry! Oh, so good to hear from you! And I love this line: I could not keep myself safe from pain or danger." Oh, how I wish we could on some level! But than again, it's true what Jill was saying -- grief is related to love. If we Love we will grieve. And I think so much of your mom and dad's fatal accident and those two beautiful beautiful dogs. Seasons can be so hard and so dark. And as I look back at some of mine, I realize with kids growing up and the crush of family life (for you maybe a big leadership role in a company...), it was hard to make the space we needed for grief at the time. I find with my life getting more quiet sometimes the feelings have space to emerge now. And I'm fine with that. I think it often comes when we're ready to process. So great to see your name here. And yes, Life is so Hard. And as Kate Bowler says, Life is So hard. Life is so beautiful. We hold them in tension, right? Thanks be to God. XOXO
Lord knows......... these past few years have been "time" to STOP, PAUSE, YIELD - and when we do we can SEE how God is truly working thru ALL our circumstances - good, bad, beautiful and ugly. Kara - you are one the REAL blessings of this "season". Oh! That you would remember .................... YES! Tension. Tension is not a bad thing........I used to talk about how tension was GOOD - as it holds up bridges - literally! We are SO blessed. You are a blessing. Hope our paths cross again soon! Miss you! Love you! Hugs!
Oh how I look forward to the day when I get to sit at a coffee shop with you and brainstorm new and better words for "grief" or chat about other hard and beautiful things!!! I will wait patiently for that day and in the meantime, share a few of my thoughts here....
1. I've always struggled (protested) any sort of timeline on grieving. It makes me angry. I see grief as part of love and no one expects that to have a timeline.
2. My dear friend died last Saturday. She had stage 4 cancer but her passing came SO FAST! Our kids just got married at the end of December and she was the most beautiful mother of the bride just 4 months ago. Her daughter is staying with me for the summer and I know when she goes to sleep and when she wakes up because I can HEAR her grieving through the walls of my guest room. I can FEEL the love she has for her mom through the sounds she makes. All the senses are heightened. It is intense and raw and painful. I know that specific raw part of grieving will become less intense but I know we will always grieve her because we loved her so much. It is so bittersweet.
3. I have moved into using a made-up word to describe grieving. JORROW - joy in sorrow
These two are not mutually exclusive of one another. In fact, I think they reveal greater depths in one another when they are held together. I think that is the only way I could call grief "complicated" - like your neighborhood grief center. It is complicated not because it lasts a long time but because you only grieve when the thing/person you lost was such a gift. I think that will always be complicated. Pity the person that has nothing to grieve.
Jill!! Oh my goodness. I am heartbroken to read of this terrible loss you're suffering!! To lose another dear, dear friend. It's unthinkable! I am just so very sorry to hear this. Oh. When you can hear the cries and groans of someone you love grieving. It's so heavy and so sad. I'm really glad she is with you --- such a steading support. Sometimes you don't need anyone to say anything. You just need steady company. Oh friend. This life is so hard.
And YES! We will have our date at the coffee shop. It was soooo satisfying to name different aspects of grief. Some of them really surprised me and made me laugh. i cannot wait for a chance to hang!!
And yes, I LOVE your insights. Grief is love deferred, isn't it. It's actually a kind of Love. And always complicated -- because we are complicated and love is complicated and loss is complicated. And God will heal it all one day.
And JORROW! Going right in the file right now. So good. Sending Love and Prayers for you and your friend's family and especially her dear daughter. XXOO
Looking back over my life, I have concluded that the Christian formation of my youth did not prepare me all that well for all the grieving that lay ahead. I can, however, explain substitutionary atonement like nobody’s business.
Absolutely beautiful, Kara!!! I could not agree more with all of the reasons you wrote about why the word grief is tired, worn out and quite frankly inadequate in describing the kind of pain people have to endure. Thank you for this. 🤍
I am re-reading a book and this time underlining what I want to try and remember…….I just underlined this yesterday sitting on an airplane on our way home from Florida. “I could not keep myself safe from pain or danger.” I read and reread this line many times because it says what I’ve tried to hide, avoid and ignore and no longer can. Just thinking about about my parents’ fatal car accident or the decision and follow-thru to put our two beloved dogs “down” bring tears, heartache and yes - grief………a condition of sadness that will not go away. I love what Jill wrote below…….it is complicated! And not because it never goes away, but because this side of Heaven we’ve lost something we will never ever be able to replace……..a relationship, a beloved person, pet or even thing like a “home”. A true gift that can never be replaced. All we’ve got left are memories and those memories bring tears of loss………..our hearts and minds remember……..and there is absolutely NOTHING we can do keep ourselves safe from the pain or danger of what happens on this earth, in this world. and in our hearts, minds and bodies. Life is hard! and if it hasn’t gotten hard yet, there is nothing you can do to keep yourself safe from pain and danger that one day will come if you have truly loved. YET! There is HOPE! The PROMISE of “no more tears”. Jesus!
Sherry! Oh, so good to hear from you! And I love this line: I could not keep myself safe from pain or danger." Oh, how I wish we could on some level! But than again, it's true what Jill was saying -- grief is related to love. If we Love we will grieve. And I think so much of your mom and dad's fatal accident and those two beautiful beautiful dogs. Seasons can be so hard and so dark. And as I look back at some of mine, I realize with kids growing up and the crush of family life (for you maybe a big leadership role in a company...), it was hard to make the space we needed for grief at the time. I find with my life getting more quiet sometimes the feelings have space to emerge now. And I'm fine with that. I think it often comes when we're ready to process. So great to see your name here. And yes, Life is so Hard. And as Kate Bowler says, Life is So hard. Life is so beautiful. We hold them in tension, right? Thanks be to God. XOXO
Lord knows......... these past few years have been "time" to STOP, PAUSE, YIELD - and when we do we can SEE how God is truly working thru ALL our circumstances - good, bad, beautiful and ugly. Kara - you are one the REAL blessings of this "season". Oh! That you would remember .................... YES! Tension. Tension is not a bad thing........I used to talk about how tension was GOOD - as it holds up bridges - literally! We are SO blessed. You are a blessing. Hope our paths cross again soon! Miss you! Love you! Hugs!
Oh how I look forward to the day when I get to sit at a coffee shop with you and brainstorm new and better words for "grief" or chat about other hard and beautiful things!!! I will wait patiently for that day and in the meantime, share a few of my thoughts here....
1. I've always struggled (protested) any sort of timeline on grieving. It makes me angry. I see grief as part of love and no one expects that to have a timeline.
2. My dear friend died last Saturday. She had stage 4 cancer but her passing came SO FAST! Our kids just got married at the end of December and she was the most beautiful mother of the bride just 4 months ago. Her daughter is staying with me for the summer and I know when she goes to sleep and when she wakes up because I can HEAR her grieving through the walls of my guest room. I can FEEL the love she has for her mom through the sounds she makes. All the senses are heightened. It is intense and raw and painful. I know that specific raw part of grieving will become less intense but I know we will always grieve her because we loved her so much. It is so bittersweet.
3. I have moved into using a made-up word to describe grieving. JORROW - joy in sorrow
These two are not mutually exclusive of one another. In fact, I think they reveal greater depths in one another when they are held together. I think that is the only way I could call grief "complicated" - like your neighborhood grief center. It is complicated not because it lasts a long time but because you only grieve when the thing/person you lost was such a gift. I think that will always be complicated. Pity the person that has nothing to grieve.
Jill!! Oh my goodness. I am heartbroken to read of this terrible loss you're suffering!! To lose another dear, dear friend. It's unthinkable! I am just so very sorry to hear this. Oh. When you can hear the cries and groans of someone you love grieving. It's so heavy and so sad. I'm really glad she is with you --- such a steading support. Sometimes you don't need anyone to say anything. You just need steady company. Oh friend. This life is so hard.
And YES! We will have our date at the coffee shop. It was soooo satisfying to name different aspects of grief. Some of them really surprised me and made me laugh. i cannot wait for a chance to hang!!
And yes, I LOVE your insights. Grief is love deferred, isn't it. It's actually a kind of Love. And always complicated -- because we are complicated and love is complicated and loss is complicated. And God will heal it all one day.
And JORROW! Going right in the file right now. So good. Sending Love and Prayers for you and your friend's family and especially her dear daughter. XXOO
Thank you for this.
Looking back over my life, I have concluded that the Christian formation of my youth did not prepare me all that well for all the grieving that lay ahead. I can, however, explain substitutionary atonement like nobody’s business.
Beautiful! So true and clearly spoken.
Gutted.
Love and miss you, Kara.
xoxo
Tara
Absolutely beautiful, Kara!!! I could not agree more with all of the reasons you wrote about why the word grief is tired, worn out and quite frankly inadequate in describing the kind of pain people have to endure. Thank you for this. 🤍